On the Cutting Edge of Societal Satire

by Gumby Bryant

Researchers at UC Berkeley and Yale University have determined that life has not gotten better for children whose families have gone from welfare to work. Pro-welfare groups say the results of this study confirm an earlier report from Cuba's Societal Bliss Department, which revealed that everyone in Cuba is happy, no one is wanting for anything (despite not having any money, food, clothing or adequate housing), and in overwhelming numbers say that if they had open elections, they would rather vote to keep Fidel Castro as their Dictator than be led in front of a firing squad.

Researchers say that there aren't enough management jobs open to welfare recipients, and the thought of starting at the bottom and working their way up is causing added stress. The stress has been linked to depression and even DT's, which has an adverse effect on the children.

"It's a dramatic change in lifestyle." Said UC Berkeley Chief Researcher Karlotta Kennedy. "Leisure time is cut way down...you have the imposition of discipline and personal responsibility...how can they cope? These people are much better off on welfare, where they have a chance to realize their full potential."

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