On the Cutting Edge of Societal Satire

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Bill Clinton Declares War on
the Boy Scouts of America

Janet Reno and the Justice Department investigating this "global threat"

Clinton says he doesn't care what the Supreme
Court says, he calls the shots in America.

Inside sources tell me that Bill Clinton feels declaring war on the Boy Scouts of America is something he's compelled to do. Clinton was outraged at the recent Supreme Court ruling which found that the Boy Scouts of America was a private organization, and as such, could determine it's own membership restrictions.

He hit his fist repeatedly on the desk as he shouted. "Who the hell do these people think they are?  I call the shots in America. This is my country damnit!"

He locked himself in the oval office for several hours. When he came out, he had a serene smile on his face as he asked a staffer to call a press conference for one hour. At the press conference, the president officially declared war on the Boy Scouts.

"I do not agree with the decision handed by the Supreme Court concerning the Boy Scouts and their discrimination against homosexual Scoutmasters." The president said, an intense look on his face, almost as convincing as the look he gave when he denied any involvement with Monica Lewinsky. "It's wrong to discriminate against such a loyal democratic voting block. I will not tolerate this. The Boy Scouts are going down..."

Murmurs filled the press room as more than one reported asked about the Supreme Court ruling.

"I answer to a higher authority on these matters." The president said. "This is a matter of spiritual commitment and a belief in an all powerful entity, the United Nations." He paused while the liberal media applauded. "The United Nations is the governing body of the world, the sooner we realize it, the sooner we can all live in a global socialist utopia."

Janet Reno had a press release out a few hours later stating that the Boy Scouts of America posed a global threat, and a full-scale investigation was being launched. "It's a matter of time before we destroy the Boy Scouts." The press release said.

That's not all. United Nations forces have reportedly attacked a small Boy Scout troop in the hills of North Carolina. The covert operation is being covered up. President Clinton wants to send a message to other Boy Scout troops who may try to resist the government's shutdown of their beloved organization.

As these innocent Boy Scouts took a hike through the scenic hills of North Carolina enroute to a Lake Elkurine, they had no way of knowing that just over the hill, preparing to attack, was a United Nations combat team. The boys were captured,given assorted bruises and monkey bumps, then sent home with

the instructions they are to tell all the other Boy Scouts what will happen to them unless they quit the Scouts - monkey bumps to the skull and bruises on the arms. Clinton has denied any knowledge of the assault on the Boy Scouts by UN troops, but my sources tell me that Clinton ordered champagne and celebrated with staffers when he heard that the UN troops had succeeded.

But the real threat to the Boy Scouts of America is one Janet Reno, who's Justice Department has the resources of the federal government at it's disposal. When they target an organization or an individual, there is no hope for survival. Reno, who denies being gay and instead claims she's just an ugly old broad nobody wants to date, seems too eager to launch this investigation without having a personal motive.

Some speculate that had she been so gung-ho about investigating Al Gore instead of brushing the mounds of evidence under the rug, there would be no Gore presidential bid. Now...it's a matter of time before the weight of the federal government under the leadership of the Clinton regime smashes the Boy Scouts.

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