On the Cutting Edge of Societal Satire

Physically, there are similarities between Attorney General Janet Reno and legendary quarterback Dan Marino. Both are about 6'3" tall, weighing in the neighborhood of 230 pounds. Reno hails from Miami, and that's where Marino spent his professional career.

But there are also a few differences. For instance, Reno is a bit faster in the 40 yard dash, at least according to ex-Dolphin coach Jimmy Johnson.

And there's one other huge difference worth noting, it's Marino -
not Reno - who is retiring.

"It's interesting because some people mistakenly call me Mrs. Marino." The Attorney General said with a chuckle. "And, we have dated, Dan and I. We've kept it hush-hush, but it's true...Dan calls often and we just, you know, chit chat." Reno said, rolling her eyes shyly.

Investigative reporter Sam Donaldson, known for his love of repeating gushy gossip, pushed her like a school girl. "Come on Janet, you can tell us...you and Dan an item? Is there talk of marriage after you're term is up as Attorney General? Huh?"

Reno giggled awkwardly. "Oh my Sammy." She said. "I think I'm having a hot flash."

One of Reno's staff members said that when Dan Marino calls, you get out of the aisles in the office. "She's coming full speed. One young staffer got in her way and she gave him a forearm flipper that sent him over a desk...I'd say it's serious, wouldn't you?"

Pushed for accuracy, the staffer said that the caller doesn't refer to himself as Dan Marino. "He always says, 'this is Jimmy the Jerk Johnson...' but you can hear her talk through these thin doors, she's always calls him Danny Boy...we know who it really is...we just play dumb for her benefit. We're used to that around here since Clinton was elected."

Rather than being angered by the deception, the caller says it's touching how one phone call from one man can make the distinguished prosecutor behave like a giddy school girl. "It's a beautiful love story and I hope someday somebody makes a movie about it."

It would be an interesting story. Lonely career woman, the Attorney General of the United States, finally finding love and trying to make a relationship work while juggling all the cover-ups for her boss, the President. Imagine the scene toward the end of the movie, just as she is about to start cleaning out her desk after serving her country for 8 years. She turns to a staffer and says, "You know, after 8 years of keeping Bill Clinton out of prison, I hope I can keep myself in a relationship..."

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