On the Cutting Edge of Societal Satire

by Red Herring
Investigative Reporter

It's almost impossible to determine the financial impact of the latest virus that has struck world wide - known as the Love Bug. Billions of dollars, easily.

The Feds assure us they are hot on the trail of the culprit, some poor schmuck in Hong Kong or a remote village in Pakistan...

Are they on the right track? My sources and my own keen investigative senses tell me, "NO!"

You may be surprised to learn who's really behind the most destructive virus in history...and it's not some poor schmuck in Hong Kong. Why is the media protecting the guilty?

Nacho deniro as my friends south of the border say.

You know the Feds are going to pin this thing on some poor sap so they can get people off their back. The real culprits are free to keep raking in the dough. Let's begin with the obvious question: Who benefits from this virus?

This virus, once the e-mail is open, destroys MP3 and graphics files. It then sends itself to everyone in Microsoft e-mail programs.

What are MP3 files? Music files. Who has their underwear all in a knot over this new Internet fad? The music industry.

The bigwigs in the music industry want to crush the MP3 dealers on the Internet. They figure they're getting gypped out of millions of dollars of profits. It's ironic, after all these years of ripping off the artists, the music industry is getting a taste of it's own medicine and they don't like it.

What were they trying to accomplish by spreading this virus? Were they hoping for mass hysteria? People throwing themselves out of their apartment windows in despair? Fat chance...just download more freebies. If these people really wanted to do some good for the world, invent a virus that destroys all those terrible, terrible midi music files. There would be dancing in the streets...

The other link here is Bill Gates. Is it a coincidence that the virus only sent itself to those people who's addresses are in Microsoft e-mail software? A coincidence that Janet Fireball Reno's Justice Department is trying to destroy his business? Who has more reason for wanting to get even?

My sources tell me the initial meeting took place in Des Moines, Iowa. Few can read in Des Moines, and television viewing is confined to Hee Haw reruns on local television. Nobody recognized Bill Gates when he came strolling into the luxurious Motel 6 on the west edge of town. Nobody recognized the music industry bigwigs as they waltzed in the side door, wearing sunglasses and trench coats.

There, amidst the smell of stale cologne and cheap cigars, they hatched the devious plot to set the world upside down by unleashing the most venomous computer virus in history.

And for their crime, some poor sap from the far east is going to pay.

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