On the Cutting Edge of Societal Satire

by Trina Trixie
Entertainment Beat

NBC executives are worried about Matt Lauer.

Besides co-hosting the Today Show, Lauer has been hosting CNBC's Headliners and Legends show. The cause for concern surfaced after Lauer approached the network brass with yet another of his brilliant ideas - most conceived while he's in a state of sleep deprivation.

This time it was to stage a debate on the Today Show between presidential candidates George Bush and Al Gore. "Now, follow me on this one..." Lauer told the brass, according to our source. "Gore and Bush can't agree to the debate dates, right? Well..." He paused, giggling and rubbing his hands together. "Let's have a debate about the debates on our show."

There was silence for a long time, the source said. The executives just stared at Lauer. One finally rose and walked over to Lauer and patted him on the back. "Matt, have you been getting enough sleep lately? Have you ever considered taking a sedative?"

This angered Lauer, who believes he's at his best when he sleeps little. Lauer, who's been known to embellish facts and figures while taping Headliners and Legends, as well as the Today Show, says he wouldn't have to rely on his creative juices if he wasn't surrounded by incompetent people.

Some of Lauer's other suggestions to NBC brass include taping a show as Lauer assists doctors with live, major surgery..."I think I'd look good in the blue green hat and mask...some nurse wiping my brow as I narrate which blood vessel I'm clamping or something like that. Talk about a ratings grabber..."

He's embellished stories from Headliners and Legends and has been threatened with lawsuits many times. "OK, so Lucille Ball didn't have 6 webbed toes on each foot and it didn't get her disqualified from the 1948 Olympic swim team." He said shrugging. "If our writers had gotten me some good dirt on the broad I wouldn't have made all that up."

I also asked about interviewing Tipper Gore and Laura Bush. While he allowed Tipper to show the family scrapbook and portray Al as a doting husband and loving father, Lauer grilled Laura about her husband's policies, nearly bringing her to tears with his shouting.

"Your point is?" Lauer said, attempting to put me on the defensive. "I suppose you're going to launch into one of these liberal media speeches."  He said, chuckling and running his hands through his hair. "You people make me sick!"

Word has it that NBC executives are considering the possibility that they may have to intervene and force Lauer to get the help he needs. "They aren't sure if he's a nut or if he's got some kind of sleep disorder." The source confided. "Personally...I just think the guy's a nut."

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