On the Cutting Edge of Societal Satire

by Ed McGillicuddy

Elmo Gurdeyman

Flying in the face of conventional wisdom may seem like the wrong thing to do, unless you're Elmo Gurdyman. There is nothing conventional about this man. His temp agency has been unorthodox from the beginning and he's reaping the profits today.

In 1987, while most companies were using DOS-based computers, Elmo Gurdyman invested in a desktop publishing program and started printing out reports inflating the dangers computer terminals posed. He then mailed them to every company imaginable. "We knew that most of our competitors were banking on people needing computer operators, so we figured, hey, let's cash in on the radiation poisoning theories...and it worked for a while. We stressed typists, they stressed data entry and computer people...we made people believe they were going to die if they got within 10 feet of a computer terminal. We raked in obscene profits."

What really sets Gurdyman apart is that he knows when to play it by the book and when to bend the rules. This isn't just when dealing with the IRS, but with clients. This knowledge has allowed Gurdyman to expand from a one room office in the back of a dental equipment repair shop in Hensburg, South Dakota, to having 4 regional offices.

Radiation poisoning wasn't the only weapon in Gurdyman's arsenal. He found trustworthy temps to hire. "We looked at it from the perspective of why office workers don't like temps coming in, and what influences their decision to hire them back. The number one issue was trust. Nobody wants a floozy or a lying stinkin' dog comin' in to the office and drivin' people nuts. So we decided to only hire Mennonite ladies. They all dress in black, won't speak unless spoken to, and never make eye contact." Gurdyman explained. "No chance of them foolin' around, if you know what I mean...no women bein' jealous."

That approach has served him well with the temp staff, but what about the sales staff. "We hired an all female sales force for several reasons. For starters, we can pay them less and if they ask for a raise, we just say ask your husband if you need more spending cash. But there's more - we hired only really skinny women and taught them how to apply make-up to sink in their cheeks and give themselves dark circles under they eyes...we taught them to use the old 'what will my children eat today?' routine when turned down by clients to invoke symapthy...it worked like a charm."

He said the one area he's especially proud of is his company's customer support service. "While other companies have this mentality that the customer's always right, we spent money teaching our customer support rep's to debate - to twist arguments and poke holes in client logic. The client comes in or calls with this indignant attitude of being right, and they end up feeling like a schmuck, apologizing all over themselves. It's beautiful to watch."

What was the marketing approach? "We sent out direct mail, took out ads in the local papers, all that jazz. We got pretty good returns, but it wasn't until we kicked into high gear with our mudslinging that we saw results...subtle things, like questioning a competitor's patriotism or sexual practices...that sort of thing. If you can plant the seed of doubt, it will grow like hell." He said. "For instance, there was the big client we wanted bad but he was all tied up with a competitor, so I started to call on the business casually...asking really obnoxious questions like, '...so you're a member of the communist party huh? How did you get involved with them?'...naturally they get shook and start stammering, so I mention where I got that bit of information - from my competitor - they're temp service...worked like a charm."

The ultimate lesson is know when to break the rules - and when to walk the straight and narrow in the ever changing world of business. One needs to always be ready and willing to adjust - and to hit below the belt when it counts.

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