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 On the Cutting Edge of Societal Satire
by Red Herring (Ed. Note: Normally, Jester's World News does not sanction our staff selling their products without buying advertising like everyone else...but this documentary, written and produced by Red Herring, is so shocking we made an exception in this case.) For millions of American children growing up in the 1960's and 1970's, Captain Kangaroo and his faithful companion Mr. Greenjeans were heroes. But what were they really like when the camera's were off? Now, for the first time ever, you'll get an inside view of what happened backstage on Captain Kangaroo - a video so shocking the Greenjeans family has threatened us with a lawsuit if we dared make it public. Was Captain Kangaroo really a mild mannered molder of young minds…or was Bob Keeshan seeking a venue for his radical, anti-American views? And what about Mr. Greenjeans? Was Lumpy, as he was known to friends,just your average, all around good guy who stood around singing folk songs? Or was he the mastermind in the plot to implant his anarchist views in the minds of unsuspecting children via hideous subliminal messages? Those facts don't scratch the surface. That's not what the Greenjeans family is afraid you'll find out. That's not why Bob Keeshan is furiously attempting to finish his own biography of that series…to put his own spin on the events that unfolded in the mid-1970's. It's his frail attempt to thwart the truth. We won't let him off the hook. This is too big…this is too important. It's time you learned the truth about the Captain and his sidekick, Mr. Greenjeans…your life will never be the same again. Bob Keeshan - Radical Liberal
Brainwasher Bob Keeshan began his career with noble intentions - of producing a television show that was both entertaining and educational for children. And in the beginning, that described Captain Kangaroo. Fame has a way of changing people. When Keeshan started hanging out with John Lennon and Yoko Ono, he found mysticism and radical liberalism to be quite appealing. He began to stray a little at a time, almost unnoticeably at first, by eating unbalanced meals, letting his sideburns grow out and opting for a brighter colored jacket with hip, wide lapels. He began hosting late night rock and roll parties at his Malibu pad, attended by a strange "teacher" named Brother Pierre. Brother Pierre targeted Keeshan and made him a disciple. It was when Keeshan joined Brother Pierre's troop of sun children that his show, Captain Kangaroo, started to change. Keeshan began including subliminal messages with each broadcast, hoping to transform America's conservative youth into radical liberals. Messages like, "chew with your mouth open", "don't say please", "say cool man and far out a lot" were broadcast into millions of unsuspecting homes. The youth of America began to change. But it wasn't just Keeshan who was undergoing dramatic changes that have been kept quiet all these years. Keeshan's sidekick Lumpy, a.k.a. Mr. Greenjeans, had some dark secrets of his own. Mr. Greenjeans - Space Alien Abductee It's true! Space aliens abducted Lumpy Greenjeans and subjected him to a mind-numbing array of brutal scientific experiments, including the forced removal of over a gallon of ear wax, which left him with a painful case of "dry canal" that plagued him until his death. But that wasn't the only reason he was called "grumpy Lumpy" by the crew... Lumpy Greenjeans was the father of a hybrid baby - half Earthling and half space alien! Lumpy loved his wife and family on Earth, but he also loved his space alien baby and was torn by not being allowed to see the child without sneaking around. On the video, we show you the closed door meetings where Lumpy successfully persuaded the show's producers - with the support of Bob Keeshan - to bring a pro-space alien slant to the show. Perhaps he was brainwashed by the aliens, but there's no real evidence of that. Insiders at PBS had suspected that something strange was going on behind the scenes of Captain Kangaroo, despite the cover-ups and denials. There were death threats issued to cast mates and crew members who dared talk about anything related to the show other than general information. I have proof, all on film, of the space alien connection and cover-ups!
"It has her eyes..." Mr. Greenjeans told the Captain. "And her ears..." He wiped a tear from his eye. The Captain gently squeezed his friend's shoulder. "Her green scaly skin too...You know, if Fred (Rogers) finds out about this...we won't be so welcome in the PBS neighborhood anymore." Mr. Greenjeans nodded his head briskly, pulling out his hanky and blowing his nose. "I know, I know." "I'm happy for you. I really am." Keeshan said. "But you know what has to happen if anybody finds out, if news of this gets out..." "Yes." Lumpy replied. "We'll have to kill them." The Captain nodded his head wisely. "It's best for the show and our careers." "I know." Lumpy wandered over and picked up his guitar and started strumming it, a melodic tune filling the set. He began to sing the folk version of the Supreme's classic, Love Child. "It started it's life, in worn torn coveralls somebody threw out...with pointed ears and great big eyes, scaly skin and puny thighs...with a dad who was forced to lie to save it's life..." It was at the point that a heartbroken Mr. Greenjeans, faced with the possibility of murdering anyone who found out about his space alien child, changed the music on the show. We started hearing more Bob Dylan, Frank Zappa and Warren Zevon. He began drinking heavily, and would show up on the set groggy and irritable. Once, while rehearsing a routine skit, Mr. Greenjeans attacked bunny rabbit and attempted to strangle it. The head of the rabbit was so disfigured the skit had to be canceled. They hid the truth from the media, stating that Bunny had walked off the show after a contract dispute. Truth is, they had to rebuild the rabbit's badly crushed skull. The cast and crew lived in constant fear, not so much for their own protection as for what might come out of Mr. Greenjeans mouth next. Greenjeans was suddenly prone to bouts of unexplained ad-libbing. It was live television, and the results were devastating to young viewers. Like the time he quipped that Mr. Moose's head would look good mounted on his wall. This statement made children cry and the studio telephone bank lit up like a Christmas Tree. The Captain was a player in this cover-up. He did his part to make the changes seem natural, particularly the alarming music, as if was all part of a new, hipper show. He grew his hair out and began sporting those fluffy pointed sideburns. Yes, he looked strange, but he was showing solidarity with the Greenjeans love child. We show you the pictures. You'll see the footage that shows the subtle changes in mannerism and song selection…and the real reason the Town Clown was written out of the show and replaced by more falling ping pong balls - that's right - space debris.
It's only $19.95. That's a small price to pay for the gift of reclaiming your childhood! Home | International | Americana | Entertainment Conspiracies | Sports | Opinion Republication
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