On the Cutting Edge of Societal Satire

With Buck Bilkley

It's been interesting to watch the campaign evolve into a full-fledged three ring circus. The human oddities, otherwise known as spin-masters, are out on display.

Here is a recap of the action thus far, in case you've been too busy living a real life to keep up...

George Bush Verbally Assaults
Liberal New York Times Reporter
Some upset at language, but nobody
arguing the statement's accuracy

It was meant to be a private comment. At a rally, George Bush leaned over to his Vice Presidential nominee Dick Cheney and made a reference to a reporter in the audience.

"There's Adam Clymer from the New York Times. He's a major league a--hole." To which Cheney agreed.

Bush would only apologize for having his statement heard, not for the fact that he said it. Bush's supporters point to the fact that Hillary Clinton considers Clymer to be a great reporter as proof of his bias. "A reporter who does his job is hated equally by everyone."

Barbara Bush Explains Why America Loves Her Boy George That Tommy Smothers Smirk is Irresistable

"Chicks have always dug George." Barbara Bush told Lydia Rangoli, a reporter for Newsweek. "That Tommy Smothers smirk is irresistable to women."

Are these just a mother's words? Polling data gathered by the AARP shows she may be right. According to the poll, conducted in nursing homes around the country, 72% of women surveyed thought George was cute. The same survey showed that mustard was the worst condiment for the digestive tract, so we're not sure what the poll was designed to show.

Gore Explains to Students that
He Invented Space Travel
Warns youngsters that George Bush's
election will mean the end of space

Al Gore has learned from the master, Bill Clinton. Gore, who now has members of the media denying he ever took credit for the Internet, despite television clips which verify it, by using the old, "it depends what the meaning of is, is..." technique, is at it again.

This time, Gore told students that he invented space travel and what's more, that the character James T. Kirk of Star Trek fame was based loosely on Gore's days at Harvard. "I had met Gene (Roddenberry) several times and he was always fascinated by my propensity to do good deeds and stand up for the little people, as well as my amazing vision for the future." Gore said. "Sure, he denies it now...probably worried about royalties..."

Gore ended his talk to the student body at Palo Alto High by saying that if he loses the election, space as we know it may be forever gone. "If George Bush become President, space as you know it will no longer the final frontier...but the gone frontier."

Al Gore Promises Everything to Everyone...and More! Staffers concede numbers don't add up,but say public too stupid to realize it so why fix what isn't broken?

They say that Al Gore shines at the so-called Townhall Meetings because he's fast on his feet and his charms bedazzle the crowd. It's true, no one can think of a new campaign entitlement promise quicker than Al Gore.

In Hillside, California, Gore was asked by a woman in the audience what he planned to do about the high cost of shoes. Gore sighed and said he understands what it's like to walk into a shoe store and wish you could buy those shiney penny-loafers, but not have the cash. "That's why I'm proposing a federal shoe program. No foot will be bare in a Gore administration."

Republicans say all Gore meant was that none of his staff would show up for work barefoot, but Gore insists he's serious about the footwear policy. "You know...it reminds me of the old saying about how you feel sorry for yourself because you have no shoes until you meet somebody with psoriasis and your scalp starts itching...so we forget the original problem of no shoes and apply cream for the psoriasis...well me and Joe Lieberman know about psoriasis, and we won't forget about the shoes!"

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